You know that feeling when you are entering into a new season of your life? I am there.
Just like mother nature seems to be holding on to winter this spring, I feel like I am not quite letting go of the last season of my life.
It's spring and the wood stove is going. We are cutting down trees, splitting logs and stacking fresh piles of green wood. Still we are using the last bits of dry wood from last year to keep the house warm, we just can't seem to let go of last winter and fully grasp spring.
I can't seem to fully let go of the old patterns, fears and habits of who I was yesterday even though I am growing into a wiser, more self trusting and mindful woman.
I know I need to take the next leap into a new direction this farm and God is showing me but it's scary and uncomfortable and I keep wanting to run back to what I know. To where comfort is, where growth stopped, where it is safe because it is familiar.
I thought once I had this farm that would be it, I was finished, my dream was achieved. I casually wondered what happens next, you know when you actually achieve a dream. Will I long for more? Will I be fully satisfied? Will there be disappointment? Will I be grateful enough?
I found the answer. There was such fulfilment and profound satisfaction that I needed to be able to share that joy with others. I couldn't keep it to myself.
So I opened up our barn so like minded people could come and enjoy our animals. I wanted people to meet our cows and goats and know them by name, to develop a friendship with them as I have.
I wanted people to sit down to a bowl of yogurt and know exactly who that yogurt came from, to tell their family "that cream you are putting in your coffee came from a wonderful cow named Winnie, you would love her". I want to share what it feels like to have a relationship with your food, to appreciate it and see how special it can be to nourish not just your body but your soul. So I created a farm store inside our barn.
That is what I want our farm to be for you. A place of nourishment.
This is where I am setting my sights for this next season in my life. I want to help nourish you. Whether I help you find nourishment through our animals, food, experiences or learning a new way of life.
I have ideas of how to get there, I know it is going to take a lot of uncomfortable moments, leaps of faith and a willingness to grow even when I do not want to. I have a pull to teach what I know and share the blessings I have been given.
Though, as with most things in life, there is so often the fear and doubt that creeps in. You know it I am sure! A fear of failure, doubt in yourself , of your abilities.
That voice that says to me who am I to teach anyone anything? Who would want to come? My farm is too small and not fancy like those other farms. Why would anyone want to read what I write? What will people think? It's not good enough. I'm not good enough. But that is the self growth. To sit with all those doubts and feelings, process them and then do it anyway.
What is there to lose in trying? What is there to fear when you have good intentions and want to help others?
I have so often in my life come from a place of scarcity, but that is for another post. It's time to learn how to come from a place of abundance.
The fact of the matter is I worked hard for a dream and achieved it, but it's certainly not over. If I want to hold on to this dream I can't stop working. The work has just begun, now I need to work even harder and create a community around it to keep it alive.
This is the new season of my life.
I hope you come along.